New Mini Series: Better Together

February is the perfect month to have a major pinterest moment. There is something to pink and red actually working well together. A month to celebrate flowers and delicious food. The whole hype of Valentine's Day is overrated to me, but I love celebrating anything so I'm on board. Better Together is a mini series where I'll be featuring a few of my blog friends who are new moms. We all are figuring out what it looks like to reconnect and relate as a couple in light of parenthood.

Pre-baby, Ted and I didn't follow any guidelines for our relationship together. It just happened. Butterflies and date nights. I wasn't pinning 25 date ideas or 10 ways to love your husband. Our relationship was organic and fun.

Post-baby, there is a contender for attention, affection, and energy. There also is a lack of date nights, alone. We cart Wells with us everywhere. Early on he would sleep anywhere which worked for us. Now he is so happy to be out especially at full restaurants, malls, and the park which also works for us. He loves people watching and see new sights.

Date night #1 was scheduled and rescheduled three times. Our friends lovely mom offered to watch Wells while we went to a restaurant near their house. Finally our plans came through, we dropped him off and went away for 1 1/2 hours. It was odd. Nice, but odd. Being away from Wells hasn't come naturally for me. Being just 'me & ted alone again' hasn't really come naturally either. Wells is the new piece to our puzzle and I'm sorting to figure out the balance of letting him be independent from the most important relationship in our house, me and Ted. (Months later, I finally got a pretty straight answer that Wells was pretty terrible the entire night, crying his little heart out.)

Date night #2 wasn't much because we were heading to Ted's work Christmas party. I'll call it a date because we dressed up, paid a babysitter, and were alone without Wells. This time, my heart was settled and I wasn't worrying too much about Wells. I enjoyed the time away, but it wasn't just 'me and  Ted'. We were talking to co-workers and bosses. We won a flatscreen television and gift cards. We ate dinner, took a picture together, and headed out early. When you have a babysitter on the clock you don't want the clocking running wild. (From what I've heard, Wells was better this time. He played, ate, and was sleeping upon our arrival.)

Date night #3. This one I had been dreaming of for days weeks months! The one where I could clear my head and jump into a nice evening with Ted. No worrying. No fret. We were visiting my mom. My mom who is so good with Wells. Wells is so good with my mom. Even if he wasn't good with her, I probably wouldn't feel that bad about leaving him with her. She. Is. My. Mom. This whole set up would be great. We get a night away, finally. I've waited for this for 5 months. AND. It. Didn't. Happen. My mom was being pulled in every direction caring for my grandparents and helping my brother with his kids. She was needed elsewhere which wasn't her fault or ours. But, Ted and I knew we probably should adjust our plans because of the load on her plate.

We are 6 months and 2 weeks out. Happy to be parents to a wonderful kid. Learning to be parents and lovers at the same time. Fighting for special moments just the two of us. Figuring out balance. Managing expectations. Trial and Error.

It's been trial and error with finding time to be just us. It's a good fight and one that I hope we always have. Do I think we should put more effort into date nights, yes. Do I think we are suffering without them, not necessarily. Our lives look different now and we are figuring out what works. When Wells is asleep for the night, napping or playing independently we try to use these times wisely. Sometimes it may just be watching television together, but we try to have quality time (our love languages) just talking, cuddling, and being just the two of us. Minimal distractions, just us which has been good, sooo good. Although it's more of an effort now to figure out how to redefine 'us', we are putting one foot in front of the other together. I believe it is very important to keep the two of us 'Ted and Tamara' without Wells. He's apart of us, true. But, our priority for him and for us rests in the two of us together.

We are better together. Together in our marriage. Together as parents. Figuring life out, together.