My world has been flipped upside down these last few months, due to the fact that I'm faced with a huge issue: my nineteen month old hates the church nursery. I have developed a huge anxiety of my own towards the church nursery and it has also changed my view of my otherwise pretty well behaved son.
One Sunday, I overheard a fellow mother as she spoke to another mom about my son with no grace at all and a little pinch of disgust. It really bothered me and gave me even more reason to worry about leaving my son. I began to wonder if he will ever adjust or if I should even trust the other parents to care for him in the first place.
I've spent time prepping him for church by praising how great it's going to be. I remind him of how he will love to play with the certain toys in the closet sized nursery.
Each time we start heading towards the nursery, he clenches his body and cries. He's sweats and his noose starts running. Pushing my own fears aside, I always try to play up how fun and make the situation seem positive assuring him I will always return to pick him up after the service. We aren't even out of the weeds when it's our week to work in the nursery. He clings close in fear that we will leave.
Our church nursery is parent run which means we all take turns watching the children on a rotating schedule. There are a variety of parents with different styles each week, some more comfortable than others.
It's a hard situation to land myself in, not to mention my child.
After church, I return to get him and he whines until we are in the car and heading home.
The rest of the week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday... he seems to be fine. He plays with friends, is left with a few different sitters who say he settles after we initially leave (and has fun), enjoys play dates, isn't clingy at home with me or ted, and runs far away from me when we are out. He is hesitant with people he is unfamiliar with, but tends to be warm with time and the more we are around someone.
After months of dealing with Sunday's, I was starting to feel like my son was this horrible monster and had serious problems. I had started to let myself feel this way after listening or feeling shamed by other people at church. Recently, I realized that my son is a good kid - he just hates the church nursery.
My google bar has been widely used for help: toddler separation anxiety, my toddler hates church, spoiled rotten, etc to search for answers or other moms dealing with similar behavior and specifically at church.
I've come to realize through my research, I am not alone.
Some days (or most days), I want to give up and stop going to church altogether. Why? Because it would be easier. I wouldn't have these feelings that my son is misbehaved or not "well adjusted", but I simply don't believe this is the answer either.
My next attempt is volunteering to help create a toddler program with another mom where we can sing, read, and have a craft time.
I don't know how Wells will respond to this change of pace. I worry about how I will be able to fulfill this role with my toddler still having problems with adjusting to church life. I've just decided to keep trying, one foot in front of the other while staying consistent with encouraging interaction with church and the nursery.
Parenting a child who is raised in church, a whole other aspect to add to my writings and thoughts with my "Raised In Church" book I hope to finish one day.
I'm learning the need to pray for Wells throughout the week, trusting that eventually it will get better.
I am also wondering if this situation damaged him for his entire tot life, omg. Will one lady in a closet holding him upside down at a odd church nursery forever haunt us? I surely hope not.
2 comments :
Ohh we still have many days like this!! We have had some spells where she was fine going, but none have lasted too long! We just try to roll with it; one of stays and plays with her in the nursery. I used to struggle with this but now I see it as a blessing. Having come new to our church, this has given such a good opportunity to get to know the other women of the church in a way you can't do while listening to a sermon. One of our friends form South Africa told me that this kind of arrangement is normal over there; a room for moms to stay and hang out with their kids who aren't comfortable being left alone. It certainly is a sacrifice but what about motherhood isn't? Trust what the Holy Spirit tells you is best.
Thank you for sharing and the encouragement. I recently realized how much I am worrying about it instead of putting it in Gods hands. Hoping to continue to follow His leading as we hope to resolve some of the issues or better cope with our toddler and church ;). Hope all is well!!!
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