Poppy / One month.

Dear Poppy,

At just three weeks pregnant, I knew I was your mom. Yes, I doubted it for several weeks as I tested negative on every single pregnancy test. I keep taking tests and questioning, because I just knew. I worried that somehow you had been taken from me early or that you would never make it into my arms. When I showed up for my nineteen week ultrasound to be turned away because of paperwork problems, I cried and melted down to sheer panic. I just wanted to know your were okay. At that point, whether you were a girl or boy didn't matter to me as much as a healthy baby! After several early weeks of an uncertain and confusing pregnancy, I still hadn't felt you move. No flutters. No butterflies. No lightening strikes. Nada, nothing. Your brother Wells was always active. I tested positive at 3 1/2 weeks pregnant and felt his first move around 11/12 weeks. With you, everything was different. I wanted to hold onto you tight each and every day. When I finally saw you were healthy and strong around twenty weeks, I cried steamy tears of relief and pure joy.

I am constantly staring at you in utter amazement. I am amazed that I have been blessed to be your mom. This month, you have slept a lot and I've had a careful watch on your slumber. You fold your little hands around your face. It was really hard to wake you to breastfeed during your first two weeks. I was worried about issues I had with your brother and early breastfeeding. I settled back and we found a good balance of sleep, eating, and nighttime feeds with no problems. You have been sleeping in four hour blocks between nighttime feeds and I've felt so rested. I spent the last several weeks of pregnancy with you up at least two times per hour using the bathroom so this is like newborn heaven to me.

You have had lots of firsts this past month. At eight days old, we went to a friends baby shower. You showed off all the faces and a few people took turns holding you. You have been able to have lots of alone time with just me and your dad while Nana kept Wells. We took you with us to get coffee, gelato, lunch, dinner, and other outings here and there. Many of our mornings were spent cuddling just the three of us in bed. We also went out with Nana and Wells to sit in the shade by the pool and on the beach. Your dad and I brought you to church for the first time at nine days old and have continued to go every Sunday except for yesterday when you stayed home with just dad. The second we walk up the steps, I let a sweet lady hold you. You sleep so blissfully in her arms. Each week your fan club grows with people coming to check on you and hold you.

I am impressed with your head control. You love laying against my chest (and your dads). I've started to watch you lay on your stomach and you already can lift and turn your head to the other side seamlessly. I am sure we will up your tummy time this next month and I don't think you will mind. You sleep all over the house including your bassinet, pack and play, bouncer, our bed, and in our arms. At night, we give you our best snug swaddle which you always seem to break free from.

When you are awake, you open your blue eyes and coo. It is fun watching you be alert. Typically you're always up in the early evening between 6-8 for at least thirty minutes. In this times, we love hearing you make little sounds. You are a peaceful baby and we have hardly hear you cry, but you are a grunter and make lots of other pleasant noises while you are awake and asleep. At times, it even sounds like you are laughing. One night, you let out a sound and I thought Wells was in our room. We realized it was you and laughed. Dad loves when you stretch your neck and make those newborn mousy faces.

Who you look like is still to be determined. Early days in the hospital, I would glance over at you and see Wells as a newborn 100%. Now I don't think you look much like him at all. You are defining your own looks as I'm not sure who you look like between me and your dad either. Your hair still seems to be warming up to a lighter shade. You definitely have your dads nose and my ears with less of my point.

I'm growing as a mom and you're growing into more of your clothes. I love dressing you up and it's only just started. For the first two weeks of your life, you hardly fit into anything. I happily ordered some smaller sizes! You now look so big and you've grown so much.

Happy first month Poppy!

With all my love,

Mama