Two and a half years ago, Ted and I knew we were ready to start a family. We felt like we had good years of just the two of us. We had traveled and I was about to graduate from school. In November 2011, we started trying to get pregnant. Five months later, I was working nights cooking in a restaurant and finishing up my final quarter of school. We were still trying. I was tired. I was very burnt out. On cooking. On church. On friends. On trying. I threw in the towel at the restaurant shortly after graduation. Backwards, I know. I hadn't been to church in three maybe four months due to my schedule at the restaurant. I was sad that after months of trying to get pregnant, I wasn't. I had wished that we were, giving me a better excuse to quit everything. It's hard enough being a girl cooking in a kitchen but I can't even imagine trying to fit my growing belly on the line.
No job. No school. It was a perfect time to get pregnant. In June 2012, I tested positive on a pregnancy test. I was beyond excited. I took another test and it read negative the next day. I was going to wait a week and to take another one. I can't begin to describe how my emotions were all over the place. I was questioning tests. I was questioning symptoms. A week later, I wasn't pregnant. In the end, seemed to have been a false positive which is highly rare.
I decided to take a break from thinking about getting pregnant. No looking at the calendar or wondering when. If it's meant to be than let it be. So, we did. Months passed and nothing. I decided it was time to get back to work.
I scored a job at a restaurant in the city that I love. It was a busy kitchen with huge back of the house. It was a perfect job to land to start a culinary career and learn. But, not a perfect job to start if I was ready to get pregnant or have a decent family/church life. In the end, I left after a short time. When I went in to the culinary field I knew that I wouldn't make it working nights and weekends as a line cook and stay married or start a family. It just doesn't work when I'm working an opposite schedule than Ted. Usually to make it in the kitchen, you have to come in early and stay well after your shift. You have to prove yourself on making absolutely nothing. (I wish I could have done this when I was 18.) After deciding 16 hour days weren't my thing, I decided to look for a nanny job again. If I ever was going to get pregnant than getting off my feet but staying active would be best.
I found a wonderful family and started working for them. It was a wonderful job and I was making more than double what I was in the kitchen. Money is a good thing. I had nights off and money. It was amazing. Almost immediately after taking the position, I couldn't seem to flip my schedule from nights to mornings. At the end of the day, I was insanely tired. Beyond tired, I would barely eat dinner and fall asleep at 6:30pm and sleep a whole 12 hours before getting up to go to work again. I thought I may never get use to waking up before the sun is up.
Until four weeks in when I found out I was growing a baby!
The day before I found out, I knew. I just had that feeling. You can read about how I found out here.
After finding out, I was so nervous to tell my employer I was pregnant. I had just started the job and never would have thought I'd get pregnant so fast. I waited until after my first doctor's appointment to tell my boss whom was so loving (thanks Cat!). I kept my job until I was 36 weeks and I am so thankful for those months and being able to work.
It wasn't until later in my pregnancy that I let go of fear. I was afraid that I was dreaming. Or that this tiny gift of pregnancy would be taken away from me. Each time I heard his heart beat, my faith grew and tears flowed freely. I didn't have a reason to fear that anything would happen as it was always a healthy pregnancy and Wells was always healthy too. It just played into an insecurity of mine of - bad things happening to big events in my life.
In the end, I feel incredibly blessed to have been given such an incredible gift - Wells Emerson.