There is something special to be said about measuring growth and looking back over a few years and recognizing what has changed for the good. Keeping in check what needs more work and grace, but also looking back to see how much has blossomed. Ted and I pulled into Philadelphia as newlyweds and I have to say, we have blossomed. Personally, professionally, and as a couple we have changed and morphed into, in my opinion, a better version of ourselves. With our frequent moves every four years (in most cases), we have a unique opportunity to embrace change in new locations. I find moving helpful and challenging. Leaving what is comfortable and adapting to a new community is always challenging but also a great way to not get stuck in the mud. Here are a few thoughts of how I believe I've seen grace and growth in the last four years.
I overcame a burn out.
For years, I spent all most of my energy and time volunteering in church. I absolutely loved it and thrived in the environment. Prior to coming to Philadelphia, we sadly left our church where we were married over a petty issue of the mix of alcohol and church. We sat at my brother's church while we were waiting for our move to Virginia and then Philadelphia. I will say, we both agree, we should not have left our church at the time. For the first six months of our marriage we were newcomers in a big church. This was not wise by any means, but this is not the point. I was highly involved in volunteering all time at church for years. I was exhausted to be honest. In Virginia, we tried so hard to find a church but never found anything worthwhile. Upon coming to Philadelphia, we knew we needed to stick to one church for our entire time here. We tried two church for six weeks each prior to sticking with the church we ended up staying for four years.
Our church is not perfect. The first to years I struggled with criticizing and it did me no good. I really feel like God lead us to stick it out for several reasons. Most importantly, sticking it out and jumping in to community groups and serving in small ways helped the most. I survived being burnt out and so happy to have such a wonderful community that we found at our church these last four years. I started writing a project which I would love to title 'Raised in Church' that a few years ago but have since been on a break. My heart is in a better place and I hope to continue to write in Saint Thomas. *Don't worry, I hope to have an amazing editor one day that takes my typos, run ons, and edits away my grammatical errors.*
Just start.
I'm a list maker and dreamer. Zillion ideas pop in my head and I typically mull them over with Ted and possibly jot them down on the paper. I struggle with having too many ideas. I am thinking I'm really embracing a great idea but before I can start on it I've jumped over to the next. Ted and I felt like it was a great time for me to go back to school when we moved to Philly. I had a list of several things I could go to school for. I didn't place one higher than the other on a list but just decided it's time to start and jump right. I learned, enjoyed, and cooked my butt off in culinary school. It was something that I've always wanted to do. It just took me starting.
I also applied this same principle to friends. When coming to our church, I just walked up to a few different people and introduced myself. If I had waited until someone approached me, I may still be waiting. I started a mommy's group where we have playgroups and share with one another. I plan to continue to challenge myself in just starting when I have an idea.
Escaping Reaction, Embracing Intention.
Part of just starting on projects is living with intention which is what I've tried to cultivate in my life these last four years. I suffer from foot-in-the-mouth syndrome and it gets worse with nervous chatter. Ted can tell you I'm a world away from reacting and having a loose tongue. Thoughtful intention before opening my mouth to speak up or interact with others is my goal. I still have back bone and do not shy away from healthy confrontation and speaking up. However, I do not react like I once did.
Show love in simple ways.
Embracing intention with my family and friends by sending a note, card, or gift. This is also something I've learned to do in my marriage. I can show Ted that I love him by how I speak to him. Controlling my tone take lots of intention and I fail at times but I've learned that just a little hard work in a quick response goes a long way.
How to be a wife.
We've lived most of our married life in Philadelphia. Over the few short years, I've started to learn how to be a wife. How to help encourage Ted instead of critiquing him. How to ask for help without nagging. I've learned to be a lover and not just a roommate. How to be married which includes staying friends, staying lovers, and budgeting together. Rounding around to celebrating five years married in June and I have to say I've learned more about myself in marriage. Iron sharpens iron. It's been so good.
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is just a big step in the right direction. There is such a difference between forgiving in your head and when you have forgiven in your heart. Like I said before, I use to really suffer from a big mouth and not thinking before I speak. I also had a honesty policy that didn't play nice with a running mouth. I've really accepted the fact that honesty should always be seasoned in love. I've learned this the hard way. The first two years I was still healing from losing friendships. Mostly, I learned and grew from forgiving myself. As I did, my heart started to change and I could really truly say I've forgiven others. Mind and heart.
In my forgiveness journey, I really prayed that God would lead me in letting go or holding on. There was a season where I learned so much in giving without expectation. Intentionally, I tried to show love in the best ways I knew how and reach out to a few people. At times, it was very painful and other times very encouraging. Even though I feel now God has let me release several things, I will always remember the lessons I've learned along the way.
This CS Lewis quote is what I feel about moving on to the future.
"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."
1 comment :
Keep writing!!
Post a Comment