What I've Learned From Brene Brown

I've been slowly reading through Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I've been intentionally soaking it in while taking my time getting through each chapter. I've been stopping to really think about the content and taking a ton of notes. Brene Brown researches shame and vulnerability which I find extremely fascinating.

Have you ever felt shamed? Of course, we all have.

Vulnerability, Brown explains, is trying something new, admitting that your afraid, standing up for yourself, being accountable, asking for forgiveness, and having faith. She also says that vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. And, it is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.

There is so much to learn about the shame culture we live in and how it affects our ability to be vulnerable. In the past, I've retreated for cover and closed myself off to people because of being shamed - belittled, ridiculed, and publicly embarrassed over my vulnerabilities.

I am only five chapters into the book and one thing has really hit home for me. It is the idea of trust in how she explained a jar of marbles. Brown says trust is a slow-building, layered process that happens over time. It is built one marble at a time. Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement. I've filled my marble jar in certain friendships prematurely, giving so much trust, and before I realized it was hurt. As defense, I would unintentionally do exactly what Brown is referring to by taking marbles out of the jar. Slowly, I've seen my jar emptied and no longer did I have a trusting friendship in fear of being shamed.

I've learned in the last several years to slowly build a marble jar instead of starting it full in a new friendship. And, I've learned trust is a beautiful thing built one marble at a time.

In my late teens and early twenties, I was so embarrassed that I snored. (I'm not even sure I still do, but Ted doesn't seem to mind if I do.) I had a really close friend who knew I was embarrassed about it and would intentionally tell other friends in group settings about it to catch a laugh. I felt so shamed. It was a silly thing to be embarrassed about, but the fact that I was and she didn't seem care explaining it's nothing to be ashamed about. But, it really affected my trust in that friendship. Over time, I felt shamed in other areas in this friendship too. Whether I was aware of it at the time or not (I don't believe I was), I slowly began to disengage from the friendship because my trust jar was dwindling.

On the flip side, I have been graced with a few amazing friendships that I was able to slowly fill my marble jar. In these slowly built trusting relationships, I found healing, empathy, and help in my most vulnerable times. It made me stronger. There was depth that came with being vulnerable and showing imperfections by daring greatly.

I am off to the park and pool to ensure a solid nap time so I can continue reading and learning.