Poppy's birth story

With a pending repeat c-section, I've thought for months about whether I'd want to write about my birth story as openly as I did with Wells. Wondering if I would lose so much of what birth is with having to schedule a C-section or land unexpectedly on the table again. Would I feel like a failure because I wanted a natural labor and delivery both pregnancies and wasn't able to achieve them? A few weeks ago, I truly came to terms with the fact that our chances were high for a repeat c-section. Sharing our story of Poppy's arrive is personal.

Today is my due date. Poppy was delivered 13 days ago by c-section. I can barely utter the word scheduled. I've shared a little bit of our story on instagram if you are following along. It isn't comfortable to be vulnerable about this, because I wish it would have been different. I now want to share my birth experience because it makes me who I am. It's my daughter's story. It's my story. In addition, the main reason I blog is so that I can come back and read what I was thinking, feeling, doing, seeing, experiencing, and learning.

I had been struggling to help Poppy get in lock and load position for a vaginal birth for weeks. She kept flipping all over the place. Confirmed head down. Confirmed breech. Confirmed transverse. Confirmed in between. One thing remained constant, she was always turning. Around 37 week, I became very uncomfortable with her laying transverse. She seemed to get real comfortable in this position and wasn't moving much anymore. I wasn't sleeping and could not find any way to be comfortable.

I started having Braxton hicks very early in my pregnancy and were used to them coming pretty frequent. When Poppy would be in the transverse position they seemed to come more often. At 37 1/2 weeks pregnant, I started having deep contractions that were different than my Braxton hicks. I kept wondering if we were going into labor. We were at the beach with friends on a Sunday afternoon and I could barely talk through some of the contractions. My one friend thought for sure I'd be in labor by the end of the day, but they ended up tapering off. The next day I woke up with contractions and settled into a bath where they let up.

After a few days of consistent labor inducing contractions, I went to my weekly doctor's visit. I didn't tell my doctor anything that had been going on. She looked at me. She felt my stomach. Then, asked 'Are you feeling these contractions?' (Well of course) After an ultrasound, it was confirmed Poppy was still laying transverse. The BIG C BOMB fell and quickly had me panicking.

My mom wasn't here. I still have things to do. It seemed to be in our best interest to schedule a c-section and we knew it. Some part of me wonders if I would have been stateside if I would have been able to hold off a bit longer. The fact of the matter in St. Thomas is you do not want to be in an emergency situation. We bit the bullet and started prepping for surgery. I had to go to the hospital to get evaluated and fill out more paperwork (even though we were preregistered). A few hours later, my doctor called with some surprising and unexpected results from my blood work. My hemoglobin was a 9 which previously was always above an 11. This put me at risk for needing a blood transfusion if I lost too much blood during surgery.

We scrambled to book my mom's last minute flight to get her here in time to care for Wells. I took Wells to get a haircut so he would meet his sister looking fresh. We welcomed my mom at the airport and ate dinner (my last meal before surgery). I didn't sleep much that night as I was anxious about surgery, being separated from Poppy after delivery, initial breastfeeding delays, problems that may occur, having to have a roommate in postpartum care, and etc. I still was having irregular contractions too. I think I may have slept two hours the entire night. Ted and I woke up at 4am to shower and get to the hospital in time to be prepped for c-section.

Prepping for surgery is scary. Prepping for surgery to bring life into the world is scary. Leaving my husband while I was transferred to OR table to get spinal is scary. I felt everything about the prep from the cold fluid running through the IV to the sting of the numbing medicine as I curled up around my bulging belly before the spinal was administered.

Ted entered the OR. His hand immediately was in mine and I began to pray I didn't lose feeling in my hands. I kept squeezing his hand and making a fist with my other. I wanted the ability to touch my little girls face and/or body when she came to my side. Ted cupped my face with his other hand as we sat scared, excited, anxious, expecting, and hopeful. (And, laughed at the nurse saying I looked like Kelly Rippa.)

I felt the tugging as they were trying to pull her out. It felt like minutes were flying and still pulling. I looked into Ted eyes and said "It's taking too long. What's wrong!!!" I saw panic and hope in his eyes as we continued to wait. I started to worry they would have to have the second cut (leaving me with no hope for any future v-bacs). Seconds felt like hours. Finally, I felt the release. I heard her cry. It was a sweet peep that didn't last long. No second cut was needed and my baby was born.

Suddenly, they were calling for Ted. He cut the cord. He laid her on his open chest and brought her to my face. I had feeling in my hands and touched her, my baby girl. Time was lost and soon Ted had to leave the OR with Poppy. (We had hopes of breastfeeding on the OR table, but understood with the risk of blood lose that my doctor's needed to work as fast and efficiently so their would be no need for blood transfusion.)

Ted took Poppy and held her skin to skin until they met me back in our postpartum room about one hour later.

I sat on the OR table feeling numb, sleepy, and anxious to get to my baby. I told myself to stay awake to fight to get to my baby. It seemed like a long time from the time Ted left and to when I left the OR to go to the recovery room.

The recovery room was bustling with sick patients everywhere. A child was screaming in pain, a elderly man was puking his guts out, nurses were talking all at once, and doctor's were walking all around. My nurse was giving me medicine which I started to react to. I was itching all over my chest and arms (everything that wasn't numb from the spinal). I couldn't leave the recovery room until I had feeling in my toes. Poppy couldn't come to me in recovery, because it's an open recovery room and unfit for a newborn. I kept trying to move my toes. Finally, I moved my left foot a bit. I yelled with joy to the nurse. She was excited for me, but told me it wasn't enough yet. I continued to focus while my nurse was tending to me and my doctor was evaluating me. I was losing a lot of blood. I tried not to panic. I tried to continue to focus on moving and gaining feeling in my legs. Finally, I stopped itching from medicine and I moved my legs. They had me moving to my postpartum room within minutes. (I was initially worried I would have feeling but no one to take me to be reunited. This was a blessing to me.)

As soon as I was in my room, Ted brought Poppy to me and she latched for her first feed.

Ted had a great experience with Poppy in the nursery. He sat in a rocking chair with her skin to skin. They didn't hassle him to give her a bath and worked with him to do all her vitals. This was also a blessing and something I prayed for.

I had three bags of pitocin running through my IV. It was painful. After my reaction to medicine in recovery, it took all day to get my pain levels under control. My stomach was contracting. I was sore from surgery. (Did I mention, my doctor did reconstructive work on my stomach muscles before closing me up. She said my stomach muscles were about an inch apart so she sewed them back together. Thanks!) I was breastfeeding all day which made my stomach contract more. I still didn't have full feeling or use of my legs. It was not pretty.

Finally, they figured out my medicine and I started experiencing less pain. In exchange, I became more sleepy and lethargic. It was hard to get Poppy to latch because I was extremely fatigued and she was too. (My poor baby!) Ted could recount stories of off the wall things that I was saying to him and my nurse.

That evening, I felt much better. Yep, we are still talking about the same day. It was a full day! My mom brought Wells to meet Poppy. He immediately wanted to kiss the baby and then discover the hospital room. It was a sweet time for our little family.

My IV was taken out that evening and breastfeeding became much easier. The next day, we were in sync. Poppy never had to leave my side during the rest of our hospital stay. We had a pleasant experience. We even chose to stay an extra night. I still wanted my pain to be managed better before returning home to Wells.

Upon leaving the hospital, my hemoglobin was at a 8. This has been one of the hardest obstacles. I am very weak and dizzy. I am hoping this is resolved soon. A week into recovery, I was still experiencing tons of pain from surgery. This second C-section has been far worse than my first. I have had some issues with the healing of my incision too. I do feel better this week than last. I am slowly starting to regain my strength and normal activities.

I am hoping to be on the upside to recovery.

I will be back to share about breastfeeding round two, but I'll share this now. It was been so easy. No nipple pain. No latch problems. Engorgement only lasted one day. It's been beautiful. Knock on wood.

Two weeks in, I am thankful.